The Art of Happiness Page 20
In the same way that physical pain unifies our sense of having a body, we can conceive of the general experience of suffering acting as a unifying force that connects us with others. Perhaps that is the ultimate meaning behind our suffering. It is our suffering that is the most basic element that we share with others, the factor that unifies us with all living creatures.
We conclude our discussion of human suffering with the Dalai Lama’s instruction on the practice of Tong-Len, which he referred to in our earlier conversation. As he will explain, the purpose of this visualization meditation is to strengthen one’s compassion. But it can also be seen as a powerful tool in helping transmute one’s personal suffering. When undergoing any form of suffering or hardship, one can use this practice to enhance one’s compassion by visualizing relieving others who are going through similar suffering, by absorbing and dissolving their suffering into your own—a kind of suffering by proxy.
The Dalai Lama presented this instruction before a large audience on a particularly hot September afternoon in Tucson. The hall’s air conditioning units, struggling against the soaring desert temperatures outside, were ultimately overcome by the additional heat generated by sixteen hundred bodies. Temperatures in the room began to climb, creating a general level of discomfort that was particularly appropriate for the practice of a meditation on suffering.
The Practice of Tong-Len
“This afternoon, let us meditate on the practice of Tong-Len, ‘Giving and Receiving.’ This practice is meant to help train the mind, to strengthen the natural power and force of compassion. This is achieved because Tong-Len meditation helps counteract our selfishness. It increases the power and strength of our mind by enhancing our courage to open ourselves to others’ suffering.
“To begin this exercise, first visualize on one side of you a group of people who are in desperate need of help, those who are in an unfortunate state of suffering, those living under conditions of poverty, hardship, and pain. Visualize this group of people on one side of you clearly in your mind. Then, on the other side, visualize yourself as the embodiment of a self-centered person, with a customary selfish attitude, indifferent to the well-being and needs of others. And then in between this suffering group of people and this selfish representation of you see yourself in the middle, as a neutral observer.
“Next, notice which side you are naturally inclined towards. Are you more inclined towards that single individual, the embodiment of selfishness? Or do your natural feelings of empathy reach out to the group of weaker people who are in need? If you look objectively, you can see that the well-being of a group or large number of individuals is more important than that of one single individual.
“After that, focus your attention on the needy and desperate people. Direct all your positive energy to them. Mentally give them your successes, your resources, your collection of virtues. And after you have done that, visualize taking upon yourself their suffering, their problems, and all their negativities.
“For example, you can visualize an innocent starving child from Somalia and feel how you would respond naturally towards that sight. In this instance, when you experience a deep feeling of empathy towards the suffering of that individual, it isn’t based on considerations like‘He’s my relative’ or ’She’s my friend.‘ You don’t even know that person. But the fact that the other person is a human being and you, yourself, are a human being allows your natural capacity for empathy to emerge and enable you to reach out. So you can visualize something like that and think, ’This child has no capacity of his or her own to be able to relieve himself or herself from his or her present state of difficulty or hardship.‘ Then, mentally take upon yourself all the suffering of poverty, starvation, and the feeling of deprivation, and mentally give your facilities, wealth, and success to this child. So, through practicing this kind of ’giving-and-receiving’ visualization, you can train your mind.
“When engaging in this practice it is sometimes helpful to begin by first imagining your own future suffering and, with an attitude of compassion, take your own future suffering upon yourself right now, with the sincere wish of freeing yourself from all future suffering. After you gain some practice in generating a compassionate state of mind towards yourself, you can then expand the process to include taking on the suffering of others.
“When you do the visualization of‘taking upon yourself,’ it is useful to visualize these sufferings, problems, and difficulties in the form of poisonous substances, dangerous weapons, or terrifying animals—things the very sight of which normally makes you shudder. So, visualize the suffering in these forms, and then absorb them directly into your heart.
“The purpose of visualizing these negative and frightening forms being dissolved into our hearts is to destroy our habitual selfish attitudes that reside there. However, for those individuals who may have problems with self-image, self-hatred, anger towards themselves, or low self-esteem, then it is important to judge for themselves whether this particular practice is appropriate or not. It may not be.
“This Tong-Len practice can become quite powerful if you combine the‘giving andreceiving’ with the breath; that is, imagine’ receiving’ when inhaling and’giving’ when exhaling. When you do this visualization effectively, it will make you feel some slight discomfort. That is an indication that it is hitting its target—the self-centered, egocentric attitude that we normally have. Now, let us meditate.”
At the conclusion of his instruction on Tong-Len, the Dalai Lama made an important point. No particular exercise will appeal to or be appropriate for everyone. In our spiritual journey it’s important for each of us to decide whether a particular practice is appropriate for us. Sometimes a practice will not appeal to us initially, and before it can be effective, we need to understand it better. This certainly was the case for me when I followed the Dalai Lama’s instruction on Tong-Len that afternoon. I found that I had some difficulty with it—a certain feeling of resistance—although I couldn’t put my finger on it at the moment. Later that evening, however, I thought about the Dalai Lama’s instruction and realized that my feeling of resistance developed early in his instruction at the point where he concluded that the group of individuals was more important than the single individual. It was a concept I had heard before, namely, the Vulcan axiom pro-pounded by Mr. Spock in Star Trek: The needs of the many outweigb the needs of the one. But there was one sticking point to that argument. Before bringing it up to the Dalai Lama, perhaps not wanting to come across as being just “out for number one,” I sounded out a friend who was a longtime student of Buddhism.
“One thing bothers me ...,” I said. “Saying that the needs of a large group of people outweigh those of just one single person makes sense in theory, but in everyday life we don’t interact with people en masse. We interact with one person at a time, with a series of individuals. Now, on that one-to-one level, why should that individual’s needs outweigh my own? I’m also a single individual ... We’re equal ...”
My friend thought for a moment. “Well, that’s true. But I think that if you could try to consider each individual as truly equal to yourself—no more important but no less either—I think that would be enough to start with.”
I never brought up the issue with the Dalai Lama.
Part IV
OVERCOMING OBSTACLES
Chapter 12
BRINGING ABOUT CHANGE
THE PROCESS OF CHANGE
We’ve discussed the possibility of achieving happiness by working toward eliminating our negative behaviors and states of mind. In general, what would be your approach to actually accomplishing this, to overcoming negative behaviors and making positive changes in one’s life?“ I asked.
“The first step involves learning,” the Dalai Lama replied, “education. Earlier, I think I mentioned the importance of learning ...” 11
“You mean when we talked about the importance of learning about how the negative emotions and behaviors are harmful to our pursuit of happi
ness, and the positive emotions are helpful?”
“Yes. But in discussing an approach to bringing about positive changes within oneself, learning is only the first step. There are other factors as well: conviction, determination, action, and effort. So the next step is developing conviction. Learning and education are important because they help one develop conviction of the need to change and help increase one’s commitment. This conviction to change then develops into determination. Next, one transforms determination into action—the strong determination to change enables one to make a sustained effort to implement the actual changes. This final factor of effort is critical.
“So, for example, if you are trying to stop smoking, first you have to be aware that smoking is harmful to the body. You have to be educated. I think, for instance, that information and public education about the harmful effects of smoking have modified people’s behavior; I think that now many fewer people smoke in Western countries than in a communist country like China because of the availability of information. But that learning alone is often not sufficient. You have to increase that awareness until it leads to a firm conviction about the harmful effects of smoking. This strengthens your determination to change. Finally, you must exert the effort to establish new habit patterns. This is the way that inner change and transformation take place in all things, no matter what you are trying to accomplish.
“Now, no matter what behavior you are seeking to change, no matter what particular goal or action you are directing your efforts towards, you need to start by developing a strong willingness or wish to do it. You need to generate great enthusiasm. And, here, a sense of urgency is a key factor. This sense of urgency is a powerful factor in helping you overcome problems. For example, knowledge about the serious effects of AIDS has created a sense of urgency that has put a check on a lot of people’s sexual behavior. I think that often, once you obtain the proper information, that sense of seriousness and commitment will come.
“So, this sense of urgency can be a vital factor in effecting change. It can give us tremendous energy. For instance, in a political movement, if there is a sense of desperation, there can be a tremendous sense of urgency—so much that the people may even forget that they are hungry, and there is no feeling of tiredness or exhaustion in pursuit of their objectives.
“The importance of urgency not only applies to overcoming problems on a personal level, but on a community and global level as well. When I was in St. Louis, for instance, I met the governor. There, they had recently had severe flooding. The governor told me that when the flood first happened, he was quite concerned that given the individualistic nature of society, people might not be so cooperative, that they might not commit themselves to this concerted and cooperative effort. But when the crisis happened, he was amazed by the response of the people. They were so cooperative and so committed to the concerted effort in dealing with the flood problems that he was very impressed. So to my mind, this shows that in order to accomplish important goals, we need an appreciation of the sense of urgency, like in this case; the crisis was so urgent that people instinctively joined forces and responded to the crisis. Unfortunately,” he said sadly, “often we don’t have that sense of urgency.”
I was surprised to hear him stress the importance of the sense of urgency given the Western stereotype of the Asian “Let it be” attitude engendered by a belief in many lifetimes; if it doesn’t happen now, there’s always next time ...
“But then the question is, how do you develop that strong sense of enthusiasm to change or urgency in everyday life? Is there a particular Buddhist approach?” I asked.
“For a Buddhist practitioner, there are various techniques used to generate enthusiasm,” the Dalai Lama answered. “In order to generate a sense of confidence and enthusiasm, we find in the Buddha’s text a discussion of the preciousness of human existence. We talk about how much potential lies within our body, how meaningful it can be, the good purposes it can be used for, the benefits and advantages of having a human form, and so on. And these discussions are there to instill a sense of confidence and courage and to induce a sense of commitment to use our human body in a positive way.
“Then, in order to generate a sense of urgency to engage in spiritual practices, the practitioner is reminded of our impermanence, of death. When we talk about impermanence in this context, we are talking in very conventional terms, not about the more subtle aspects of the concept of impermanence. In other words, we are reminded that one day, we may no longer be here. That sort of understanding. That awareness of impermanence is encouraged, so that when it is coupled with our appreciation of the enormous potential of our human existence, it will give us a sense of urgency that we must use every precious moment.”
“That contemplation of our impermanence and death seems to be a powerful technique,” I remarked, “to help motivate one, develop a sense of urgency to effect positive changes. Couldn’t that be used as a technique for non-Buddhists as well?”
“I think one might take care in the application of the various techniques to non-Buddhists,” he said thoughtfully. “Perhaps this might apply more to Buddhist practices. After all,” he laughed, “one could use the same contemplation for exactly the opposite purpose—‘Oh, there is no guarantee that I am going to be alive tomorrow, so I might as well just have lots of fun today!’ ”
“Do you have any suggestions for how non-Buddhists might develop that sense of urgency?”
He replied, “Well, as I pointed out, that’s where information and education come in. For example, before I met certain experts or specialists, I was unaware of the crisis about the environment. But once I met them and they explained the problems that we are facing, then I became aware of the seriousness of the situation. This can apply to other problems that we face as well.”
“But sometimes, even having information, we still might not have the energy to change. How can we overcome that?” I asked.
The Dalai Lama paused to think, then said, “I think that there might be different categories here. One kind may arise out of some biological factors that may be contributing to the apathy or lack of energy. When the cause of one’s apathy or lack of energy is due to biological factors, one may need to work on one’s lifestyle. So, if one tries to get sufficient sleep, eat a healthy diet, abstain from alcohol, and so on, these kinds of things will help make one’s mind more alert. And in some cases one may even need to resort to medication or other physical remedies if the cause is due to illness. But then there’s another kind of apathy or laziness—the kind that arises purely out of a certain weakness of mind ...”
“Yes, that’s the kind I was referring to ...”
“To overcome that kind of apathy and to generate commitment and enthusiasm to overcome negative behaviors or states of mind, once again I think the most effective method, and perhaps the only solution, is to be constantly aware of the destructive effects of the negative behavior. One may need to repeatedly remind oneself of those destructive effects.”
The Dalai Lama’s words rang true, yet as a psychiatrist, I was acutely aware of how strongly entrenched some negative behaviors and ways of thinking could become, how difficult it was for some people to change. Assuming that there were complex psy chodynamic factors at play, I had spent countless hours examining and dissecting patients’ resistance to change. Turning this over in my mind, I asked:
“People often want to make positive changes in their lives, engage in healthier behaviors, and so on. But sometimes there just seems to be a sort of inertia or resistance ... How would you explain how that occurs?”
“That’s quite easy ... ,” he began casually.
EASY?
“It’s because we simply become habituated or accustomed to doing things in certain ways. And then, we become sort of spoiled, doing only the things that we like to do, that we are used to doing.”
“But how can we overcome that?”
“By using habituation to our advantage. Through constant familiarity
, we can definitely establish new behavior patterns. Here’s an example : In Dharamsala I usually wake up and start the day at 3:30, although here in Arizona these days I wake up at 4:30; I get one more hour’s sleep,” he laughed. “At the beginning you need a little bit of effort to get used to this, but after a few months, it becomes sort of a set routine and you don’t need to make any special effort. So even if you were to go to bed late, you might have a tendency to want a few more minutes’ sleep, but you still get up at 3:30 without having to give special thought to it, and you can get up and do your daily practices. This is due to the force of habituation.
“So, by making a steady effort, I think we can overcome any form of negative conditioning and make positive changes in our lives. But you still need to realize that genuine change doesn’t happen overnight. Now, for example, in my own case, I think if I compare my normal state of mind today to, say, twenty or thirty years ago, there’s a big difference. But this difference, I came to step by step. I started to learn Buddhism around the age of five or six, but at that time I had no interest in Buddhist teachings,” he laughed, “although I was called the highest reincarnation. I think it wasn’t until I was around sixteen years old that I really began to have some serious feeling about Buddhism. And I tried to start serious practice. Then, over the course of many years, I began to develop a deep appreciation of Buddhist principles, and practices, which initially seemed so impossible and almost unnatural, became much more natural and easy to relate to. This occurred through gradual familiarization. Of course, this process took more than forty years.